Bozza! Me old royster doyster. I was cooking up my most recent batch of delicious homemade fudge and it occurred to me, you are desperately in need of a fudge in the face.
I feel for you Bozza. You’ve got a flipping tough job and you’re getting a hard time. I read something recently that said you were probably an albino honey monster that has been strategically shaved. Harsh. It’s not even constructive criticism. What does someone do with that information. “Ok, I’ll work on that then. I’ll go and be less of a honey monster.” Tough love right there.
Personally, I think you’re alright. Any jobbing political figure who is bold enough to slam a ten year old Japanese kid in the chops in full view of the world media is in for the win in my book. I strongly feel you deserve a break, there is no better way than my sweet and creamy fudge.
Obviously you have to pay for it, I’m not into any kind of dodgy shenanigans, eh?… Unless you’re up for a bit of a tickle. Let’s work out a signal, perhaps if I go back in time to study at Eton and then Oxford, that could be our signal?
But seriously, I want to start up a fudge lobby. The ‘guy in a kitchen’ fudge industry is concerningly underrepresented within the corridors of Whitehall. I want to grease palms, give out hand shandies, or funny hand shakes, whatever the expression is. I’ll catch up on the lingo.
So, I’ll wait to hear back. I know you’re busy being Prime Monster… s**t, sorry. It was because we were talking about the honey monster thing early. I know you’re busy being Prime Minister, but you deserve some sweet relief. I’ll leave it there, but also…
TC Fudge - homemade Scottish Fudge 