Valentines Schmalentines

Oi, Valentines Day, you’re a real crap badger!

Yea I went there. Saint Valentine is the patron saint of happy marriages and love. But he also heads up patronage for beekeepers and plague. What if he puts the wrong halo on and everyone starts getting some bee plague, then we’d have to isolate and life would suck… ah, I’ll stop there.

But seriously, everybody knows Valentines Day is a plastic-wrapped festival of litter. So let’s do it different this year, let’s make it new, let’s say together ‘Fudge Valentines Day! Fudge Valentines Day!’… that’s the part where you’re supposed to join in. Nope? Just me then.

This year, instead of spending £4 on a rubbish card with a saucy poem in, spend just £16 on a Fudge Your Face box. Just to show I’m not made of stone, I’ll even include a selection of romantic one-liners:

These special non-Valentines (but also pretty much the same as Valentines Day presents apart from I get the money) are available for limited time only. This is mainly because I can’t be arsed to make fudge all day.

So join me comrades, let’s take down this capitalist carnival once and for all, or as long as I can be bothered! Yaaaaaay *cheering/applause*